Is There Anybody Out There?
The Domino Effect of Divorce
When I filed for divorce, I never expected the ripple effect it would have on my other relationships.
I expected opinions and comments but I thought I’d also have some understanding and support. What I actually got was subtle shaming, shifts in relationships and silent retreating.
The shoulders I cried on were strangers in comparison to those I thought would be there, people I didn’t expect to be there. Even though today these people are my closest friends, sometimes I still wonder if they’ll ever know they were my lifeline when I was drowning in loneliness.
In the midst of all this I was met with the same question
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
I’ve been asked this question a lot.
The truth is, silence and a smile became my shield. It was easier to pretend things were fine than to start facing what was really going on. On the outside, everything looked okay, but inside I was trapped and stuck in a reality I wasn’t ready to confront.
I didn’t tell people because everyone loved him. Talking about separating meant confronting confusion I wasn’t ready to deal with or answering questions I didn’t have answers to yet. I couldn’t explain something I was still trying to understand myself.
When Opening Up Feels Like a Losing Battle
As time went on I tried to open up more, to share the truth of what I’d been through. But most of the time, I was met with comments like:
“But he’s such a lovely guy”
“What about the boys?”
“ If it was that bad, why didn’t you leave sooner?”
I felt like I had to justify my pain over and over. I get it - how could they understand it? But the judgment, the feeling of not belonging, made everything harder.
The hardest part wasn’t the lack of understanding, but the isolation. The more I tried to explain, the more I felt cut off, like I was invisible or worse, a stranger to those I once called close.
Lockdown: Loneliness Limbo
Then the pandemic hit, making everything worse. Everyone had their “Bubbles” but I was left outside, feeling more alone than ever. My only family nearby was my mother, who made it clear she had her own bubble - and it didn’t include me or my boys.
She was ashamed of me. Said my Dad is in his grave disgusted. That I emasculated my husband by having a career and put him off sharing a bed because I’d let myself go. That’s when I realised, she wasn’t the kind of mother I needed, or maybe ever had.
Besides my brother’s voice on the phone, it was clear I no longer had family nearby. Trapped in a house haunted by lies and broken promises, surrounded by “bubbles” I no longer belonged to. It was as if I was invisible, cut off, constantly reminded that I was no longer part of the life I once knew.
At night when my boys were in bed, I would cry and wonder: Is there anybody out there?
The Awakening
Through therapy, coaching and self discovery, I found myself again, I found hope and began to see possibilities beyond the pain. Divorce wasn’t just the end of a marriage; it was the tipping point of my awakening. It woke me up to the years of emotional neglect and trauma that had shaped my life, my choices and my sense of self.
Ironically, the people who ended up being my biggest support weren’t always the ones closest to me. Some were new to my life, and others I hadn’t been that close with before, but they didn’t try to fix me. They listened without judgment and for the first time in a long time, I felt seen.
I had to start from scratch, rebuild who I was, and embrace a life that I could finally shape on my own terms. That process wasn’t easy, but it opened up possibilities I never saw before.
The Next Step: Aftershite
And now, I’m coming out the other side. I’ve stepped into a new chapter, one that’s all about growth, empowerment, and creating the life I deserve.
The more I worked on myself and started rebuilding, the more I realised there had to be a way to help others navigate their own breakups. Help them know they are not alone. That’s why I became a coach and created Aftershite. It’s not about having all the answers, but about creating a space for people who’ve been through their own shitshows and are ready to start rebuilding.